Why When I Go Silent It Reflects How I Was Treated in the Past

Hi, my name is Dania, and this is a personal reflection about one of the most difficult behaviors I’ve had to face in myself: my reactions! especially when I’m upset. This pattern is something I’ve noticed for a while, especially since last year, but recently it hit me differently. I realized this is not just something new I picked up; this is something that has been deeply rooted in me since I was a child. And today, something clicked. I connected the dots. Whenever I get upset, my instant reaction is silence. I tend to go quiet for the rest of the day. I might speak if someone asks me something, but other than that, I just sit in silence. And this might sound familiar to others. A lot of people go quiet when they’re angry or hurt but for me, it’s deeper than that. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed, I get this sharp pain in my neck, in my heart, sometimes even in my head. It’s as if the pain of the moment is physically trapped in my body, and I literally cannot express how I feel. I’ve even cried silently, with tears just bubbling up. And until recently, I never asked myself: Why do I do this?

Well, now I think I know. When I was a child, I was often exposed to the silent treatment. Whenever one of my parents got upset, they wouldn’t speak to me sometimes just for an hour, sometimes for days. One of them even went more than three days without talking to me. I had to beg them to talk to me again. That kind of emotional disconnection hurts a child deeply. I didn’t realize it back then, but now I see: that taught me a way to react.

Silence became a language. A cry for attention. A wall and a weapon all at once. And now, even though I don’t want to repeat it, I do. Not to manipulate, not to punish but because that’s what I learned. In addition, it’s affecting people around me. Sometimes my mom doesn’t even know what’s going on. I just shut down, and even if I know she’s not the cause, I can’t bring myself to speak. My siblings probably feel the shift too. Maybe they don’t say anything, but they notice. And that’s what breaks my heart the most. I don’t want to continue the cycle. We all have patterns. Yours may not be like mine. Maybe you do talk things out. Maybe you react with anger or tears or humor. But if you’ve never asked yourself why this is the moment to do it.

Why do I react this way? What shaped this response? Sometimes your strength came from a good place: maybe your parents were calm, open, emotionally available. Maybe they taught you to express yourself with honesty and kindness. If that’s you, protect that. Write it down. Recognize the blessing in it. But for some of us like me, our reactions came from hurt. Trauma. Emotional distance. If that’s your case, mate, I want to tell you: you are not alone. And more importantly, you can break the cycle. I can’t give you all the answers. I’m not a psychologist. But I can tell you that the first step is to acknowledge it. You can’t heal what you won’t face.

Today, I faced it. And I’m choosing to change. I’m going to pray. I’m going to seek help. I’m going to be patient with myself. I want to stop hurting the people around me with my silence. I want to learn how to speak not only with words, but with healing. If you're someone who relates to this, take a moment and reflect. Let’s be the generation that doesn’t pass our pain forward. Because healing starts when we say: It ends with me.

 Dania