One year later!

 

One Year Later: Still Becoming

Hi guys. It’s me, Dania, and I’m finally back after almost two months without posting here.

I honestly don’t even know how to start this post because there are so many things I want to say, and at the same time, I feel like I have been trying to write about them for weeks without actually finding the time to sit down and put everything into words. I have thought about writing this post so many times. I have even started writing about some of the things that have been happening in my life, but somehow, I never had enough time to stop, think, organize my thoughts, and actually finish what I wanted to say. And maybe that is exactly what this post is about: life becoming so busy that sometimes you barely have time to process what is happening to you.

First of all, I have to acknowledge something that I cannot believe I almost forgot to celebrate here. It has officially been one year since I started this little project. One year ago, I decided to create this blog and make a little corner of the internet where I could write about my experiences, my thoughts, the things I was learning, and simply the person I was becoming. I had the intention of publishing something on the 27th of every month, and somehow, the 27th of July came and went without a new post. And honestly, I wish I had written something because July was not just another month. It was my birthday month, it was the first anniversary of this blog, and it marked the beginning of another chapter of my life.

And yes… I’m 23 now.

I turned 23 last month, and saying that still feels a little strange. I think birthdays are funny because you expect them to make you feel different somehow. You wake up and suddenly you are one year older, but you are still the same person trying to figure things out. Still learning. Still making mistakes. Still questioning things. Still dreaming. Still praying. Still trying to understand what God is doing in your life.

But when I look back at the person who started this blog one year ago, I realize that I am not exactly the same person anymore.

A lot has happened.

And perhaps that is why I have struggled so much to write. There is simply too much happening at the same time.

Right now, I have been completely swamped with college. This is my last semester at university, and I am honestly so proud to be able to say that. At the same time, it feels incredibly strange. For so many years, being a university student has been part of my identity. There were semesters when I felt excited, semesters when I felt exhausted, moments when I wanted to give up, moments when I felt like I could do anything, and many moments when I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

And now I am here, in my final semester.

It feels like a relief, but it is also nostalgic.

There is something emotional about knowing that this is the last time I will have to register for another semester, the last time I will be working through another university course, the last time I will be able to say, “I am still studying at university.” Soon, I will have to say something different. And honestly, that scares me a little.

But above everything else, I feel grateful.

Because when I look at everything that has happened throughout these years, I know that God has carried me through it all. There were moments when I thought I was not going to make it. There were moments when I felt overwhelmed and tired, and yet somehow, I kept moving forward. Looking back now, I can see that there were things I could not understand at the time that eventually made sense later.

And now I am in this strange place where I am extremely excited about what is coming next, but I am also terrified.

One of the biggest reasons is my social service.

I am currently doing my social service, which means that I am not only dealing with university work but also teaching children and teenagers, supporting the teachers, preparing materials, planning activities, and trying to be useful wherever I can. I am working with students, helping them learn, and experiencing what it actually feels like to be responsible for other people's learning.

And let me tell you something: I am tired.

Like, really tired.

Sometimes I feel like I barely have time to brush my teeth.

Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch because I am so exhausted that my body simply decides that it is done for the day. Sometimes I sit down for “just five minutes” and suddenly I am asleep. There are days when I feel like I have been running from one thing to another without actually stopping.

And it is not only university.

There is housework. There are family responsibilities. There are personal things. There are unexpected situations. There are things that need to be done even when you are tired and things that do not disappear just because you have an assignment due.

And, as if that were not enough, I only have about three months to complete my social service, and I have 500 hours to accomplish.

Yes.

Five hundred.

When I look at that number, I honestly get scared.

But then I remind myself that I do not have to accomplish those 500 hours in one day. I just have to keep going. One day at a time. One class at a time. One student at a time. One hour at a time.

And most importantly, I remind myself that God is with me.

I don't know exactly how everything is going to work out. I don't know how tired I am going to be at the end of these three months. I don't know what challenges are waiting for me. But I do know that I have made it this far, and I know that God has never abandoned me.

So, somehow, I believe that everything will be okay.

Before starting my social service, I actually wanted to write a post specifically about it. I wanted to write down how I felt before starting, what I was afraid of, what I expected, and what I hoped to learn. I wanted to leave a little record of who I was at the beginning so that, once everything was finished, I could come back to this post and compare.

“How was I doing back then?”

“What changed?”

“What did I learn?”

“Was it as difficult as I thought it would be?”

I still want to do that.

And maybe this post is becoming that entry after all.

So, if I disappear for a while again, just know that I am probably somewhere between a classroom, a university assignment, housework, and trying to get a few hours of sleep.

But I don't want to put this project aside.

I really don't.

Because I have realized something recently: when you really want to do something, you find a way to make time for it.

Maybe not as much time as you would like. Maybe not every week. Maybe not on the exact day you planned. But you find a way to come back to it.

And that is what I am doing now.

I am coming back.

Another thing that has happened recently is that, back in July, I became part of a new project that has also become a source of income for me. It is something completely different from university and teaching, but it is another opportunity that I decided to take.

I was able to get started thanks to my grandmother, who lent me $1,000 so I could enter the project. I am incredibly grateful for the way God used her to help me take that first step. And now that I have been able to return that money to her, I feel even more grateful because it reminds me that sometimes God provides through people we love.

I am still figuring out how everything works and how I can make the most of this opportunity, but I am trusting God with it as well.

There is a lot that I want to accomplish.

There are things I want to build.

There are financial goals I have.

There are dreams I have not talked about much.

And there are things that I am praying about that I don't even know how to explain yet.

But I am learning that I don't have to have everything figured out right now.

And that brings me to something else I have been thinking about a lot lately: comparison.

I have caught myself comparing my life to other people's lives more than once.

Recently, one of my classmates told me that at the school where she is doing her social service, they offered her the opportunity to teach Social Studies and English to some students, and they are actually paying her for it.

And I thought, “Wow. She already has a job.”

We are studying the same major. We are in the same career. We are doing our social service. We are going through the same semester. We have many things in common.

And yet, her life looks different from mine.

She already has an opportunity that I don't have.

And if I'm not careful, I can start thinking, “Look at her. She is already ahead. What am I doing?”

But then I have to stop myself.

Because what does “ahead” even mean?

We are not running the same race.

We don't have the same circumstances, the same responsibilities, the same opportunities, the same struggles, the same family situations, the same dreams, or the same timing.

I don't know everything she has had to deal with, just as she doesn't know everything I have had to deal with.

So why should I compare my chapter three to someone else's chapter ten?

I don't want to live like that.

I want to learn to genuinely celebrate other people's blessings without seeing them as evidence that I am falling behind.

If someone gets a job before me, I want to be happy for them.

If someone graduates before me, I want to celebrate them.

If someone reaches a goal that I am still praying for, I want to believe that their success does not mean there is less waiting for me.

Because God's plan for someone else's life is not a threat to His plan for mine.

That is something I am still learning.

And I think it is especially important for me right now because I am entering a completely new stage of life. Soon, university will be over. My social service will be over. But I won´t have to figure out what comes next. Because God is in charge of it. I only have to trust Him.

And maybe I won't have everything figured out immediately.

Maybe I will see people my age getting jobs, starting new projects, traveling, getting married, moving forward, achieving things, and I might sometimes feel like I am standing still.

But I don't want to confuse waiting with being stuck.

Sometimes God is preparing you in ways that you cannot see yet.

Sometimes what looks like a delay is actually preparation.

Sometimes the path feels slow because you are being built for something that requires patience.

So, for now, I am trying to focus on what God has placed in front of me.

My studies.

My students.

My social service.

My family.

My responsibilities.

My projects.

My faith.

My own growth.

And myself.

I am trying to remember that I don't need to have everything figured out at 23.

I am allowed to be excited and scared at the same time.

I am allowed to be tired.

I am allowed to have bad days.

I am allowed to celebrate small victories.

I am allowed to change my plans.

I am allowed to take my time.

And I am allowed to trust God even when I cannot see the whole picture.

So, here I am.

Twenty-three years old.

One year into this little blog.

In my final semester of university.

In the middle of 500 hours of social service.

Teaching children and teenagers.

Trying to make money.

Trying to help my family.

Trying to keep up with college.

Trying to keep my house in order.

Trying to sleep enough.

Trying to take care of myself.

Trying not to compare myself to other people.

Trying to trust God.

And honestly?

I don't think I would have chosen a more chaotic season for myself.

But maybe this is exactly the season I need.

Maybe one day I will look back at this version of myself and realize that she was stronger than she thought.

Maybe I will remember the days when I fell asleep on the couch because I was exhausted, the days when I wondered how I was going to complete all those hours, the days when I felt behind, and the days when I had no idea what was coming next.

And maybe I will smile and say, “You made it.”

For now, I am still in the middle of the story.

And I think that is okay.

So, this is my little update after almost two months away.

I am sorry I missed my July post.

I am sorry I didn't celebrate the first anniversary of this blog on the exact date.

I am sorry I didn't write when I said I would. (to myself)

But maybe the most important thing is not that I missed a date.

Maybe it is that I came back.

And I hope that when I return to this post in the future, I will be able to say that those 500 hours were completed, that the fear was worth it, that I learned something from every student I taught, and that God was faithful through every single part of it.

Until then, I will keep going.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

One prayer at a time.

And if you are reading this while feeling like everyone else is ahead of you, I hope you remember this too:

Your journey does not have to look like anyone else's to be meaningful.

You are not behind.

You are simply on your own path.

And I am learning to be grateful for mine.

See you next time. Hopefully sooner than two months. 🤍